Confused. Would this be child molestation?

Posted: April 2nd, 2010 | Author: admin | Filed under: masage supplies | Tags: , , , , | 6 Comments »

I’m confused by the whole molestation thing and I’m not sure what types of acts would be considered child molestation.

Lets say a father takes a bath with his daughter (daughter is age 2 – 10) and they are both fully nude together in the tub. The father washes out the girl’s “private area” and the girl feels uncomfortable with this but doesn’t say anything. Is this molestation? What if the girl is siting on her dad’s lap in the tub and felt uncomfortable with it but never told her dad how she felt. Would this be considered molestation?

How about a father kissing a daughter on the lips (but without the use of any tongue)?

How about a father being nude in front of his kids all the time? Molestation or not?

What about a father forcing his daughter to sit on his lap for a long period of time when she doesn’t want to?

How about tickling and hugging? What about a father making his daughter wash his body all over with a wash rag and making her give him a massage in the tub? Would these be considered molestation?

I’m sorry if I may sound dumb asking these kinds of things but I’m just really confused of where you cross the line over into molestation.

Serious answers only please!

Thank you for your time and help.

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6 Comments on “Confused. Would this be child molestation?”

  1. 1 martinmagini said at 1:41 pm on April 2nd, 2010:

    You are describing very inappropriate behavior on the part of the father. Making the girl wash his body is definitely crossing a line. In fact, this father sounds like a pervert.

  2. 2 Elvis said at 2:25 pm on April 2nd, 2010:

    Molestation… totally.

  3. 3 piegowdealer said at 3:11 pm on April 2nd, 2010:

    Inappropriate contact, is one crime. Sexual or prurient acts are usually considered molestation. Some of that was pretty inocuous depending on context. What was the intent. I remember kissing daughters when they were children. But I never climbed naked into the tub when I bathed them.

    Some of this is inappropriate behavior and MIGHT rise to the level of criminal acts.

  4. 4 blondie* said at 3:49 pm on April 2nd, 2010:

    they all sound like it,except for the kissing on the lips.some kids kiss there parents and don’t have a problem with it.my step sister does,she’s 14 years old!it all depends on the relationship.if they are close then that and the sitting on the lap is ok,but if she never really communicates with her dad except when he wants to do that,than yes.

  5. 5 rundown73 said at 4:02 pm on April 2nd, 2010:

    It seems to me that none of these are clear cut. I think any of them could cross the line depending on details and intent and whether or not the father is doing this for his own sexual stimulation.

    At the same time, none of them are intrinsically bad. I have bathed with my daughters. I kiss my girls on the lips. They have seen me nude. I have sat them on my lap, tickled, and hugged them. And I doubt any of these things could have been confused for molestation.

    But all of these actions taken together and laid out as you have here… they sort of define a pattern of boundary issues that aren’t entirely healthy. Especially if the daughter ends up feeling somehow transgressed. I think it’s important to note that sexual abuse is often really about power and not necessarily the specific actions. So one question might be… did these things happen in a way that was meant to control the daughter or exert the father’s power? What made the daughter “never tell her dad how she felt”? Was it understood that this was a subject that was not to be discussed… a “secret”?

    Sorry I can’t offer any easy answers. I think these type of questions are probably something you would need to work on more carefully with a professional counselor or with other family members.

    EDIT: I’m actually kind of surprised at some of the other reactions. It’s inconceivable to me that other parents have not hugged their daughters, sat them on their laps or tickled them. A kiss on the lips I can see as being creepy to many Americans, but it’s routine for a lot of cultures (my family is South American). I guess I don’t get too concerned about nudity. I try to be modest, but I really don’t feel bad if my young kids see me change clothes. Ditto for bathing with them. When they are really young, I have to help them bathe anyway… I didn’t see an issue with me getting in the tub, too (or with taking a quick shower together when they were somewhat bigger — but not 10).
    Anyway, I can see this stuff being considered a little innapropriate by some, but hardly shudder-worthy.

  6. 6 foxjacket said at 4:14 pm on April 2nd, 2010:

    *Shudder* kind of creepy that rundown7 has actually done these things with his daughters, because the rest of his answer seems pretty good.

    Anyway, I don’t think there’s really a checklist of sorts that can list ALL the actions that can be considered molestation (I think you’d be able to find checklists for what counts as sexual abuse, but I doubt that you’d find all of the acts described in your post, which wouldn’t really help you). It’s more important to think about these as boundary issues rather than what’s included in a social or legal definition of molestation.

    The most important thing in your post is the girl feels uncomfortable and feels she can’t speak up. This is a clear indication that a boundary has been crossed, and that those things were wrong (even if the dad may not be a bad person). The problem with boundaries is that you don’t necessarily know where they are until they’re crossed, and you can’t undo that action that crossed that boundary. This is why it’s so important to teach kids about boundaries, to help them understand what’s ok/not ok *for them*, how to say no, and what to do when they feel a boundary has been crossed.

    Having said that, I would consider these acts as a type of sexual abuse. Keep in mind that sexual abuse exists along a spectrum. Obviously forced intercourse is a type of sexual abuse, because it’s forced. But it’s easier for most of the population to understand that as rape/sexual abuse, then the acts described in your post, because forced intercourse involves penetration. (And then there will be those yahoos who say “she asked for it/wanted it” or “she imagined it” – ugh!!!!)

    So focus less on labels (molestation/sexual abuse) and more on the feelings of the person that this is being done to – that will tell you what your next step will be (i.e. that person should talk it out with someone, esp. since she felt she couldn’t speak up when these things were happening, and can also include putting a name to what happened). Also focus more on what appropriate boundaries are than what acts fall under a definition of molestation. Hope that helps.


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